Real love vs first love

Why does first love feel unforgettable? It stirs up a mix of intensity, innocence, and infatuation that feels impossible to replicate. But while we often hold our first love on a pedestal, we tend to downplay the relationships that are healthier, more compatible, and built for the long run. Why is that?

This piece unpacks the psychology behind our attachment to “firsts,” the media’s influence on romantic memory, and why choosing the right love, though quieter, often matters more.

The Psychology Behind the First Love Fixation

First love doesn’t just feel intense—it’s chemically intense. When we fall for the first time, our brains are flooded with dopamine and oxytocin, neurotransmitters linked to pleasure, reward, and bonding. A 2005 study by Helen Fisher showed that romantic love lights up the brain’s reward system in the same way as addictive drugs. No wonder we chase that high.

As time passes, we remember our first love through a sentimental lens. This “nostalgia bias” can romanticize what was a messy or immature relationship, making us compare future partners to an unrealistic memory.

Our brains naturally edit the past. We soften the sharp edges and highlight the butterflies. This distortion creates a false benchmark—one rooted in intensity, not compatibility.

How Media Skews Our Idea of Love

From K-dramas to Hollywood blockbusters, love is often portrayed as instant, dramatic, and all-consuming. These narratives lead many to believe that “real” love must come with sparks, conflict, and fate. Heavy exposure to romantic media is linked to increased belief in soulmates and love at first sight, which can harm long-term satisfaction.

Songs about first love tug at our hearts and reignite dormant emotions. The problem? They often glorify longing and emotional chaos over stability and growth.

Platforms like Instagram and TikTok offer curated snapshots of “perfect” relationships. When we scroll through these highlight reels, it’s easy to feel like our grounded, healthy love is somehow lacking the sparkle.

Importance of mature love

True compatibility isn’t about who gave us butterflies at 16. It’s about who understands us at 30, supports our growth, respects our boundaries, and still chooses us through the mundane and messy.

Letting go of the myth that our first love was the “purest” love allows us to welcome the depth and beauty of relationships built on communication, trust, and mutual evolution.

While it’s natural to reflect on our past, staying emotionally rooted in our present relationship allows us to build a love that’s steady, enriching, and real. This love may not have a cinematic soundtrack, but it offers something far better—peace, partnership, and permanence.

Conclusion

First love leaves a mark, but right love builds a life. The glorification of first love stems from brain chemistry, emotional memory, and romantic media. But the healthiest relationships—those rooted in respect, maturity, and conscious effort—often come later, when we’re more emotionally equipped to receive them.

So instead of chasing a feeling from the past, we should learn to value the love that meets us where we are, holds us through the storm, and grows alongside us.

Because the right love isn’t always the most exciting—but it is the most enduring.